August 14, 2008
I feel as though I’ve run a marathon.
I have…
- escaped a toxic environment
- avoided a nervous breakdown
- commenced my ‘change of life’
- begun to better organize everything
- decided I need answer only to myself
Regarding the ‘change of life’; I have decided that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should be allowed to take as many cool showers a day as she needs, and as many naps as she pleases. Anyone who disagrees with me, shall be beaten about the head and shoulders with a small hand fan until they repent.
I now live in a place where I can enjoy peace and quiet, and where I can safely take walks and enjoy my surroundings. Everything I need is close by… a local coffee shop, a library, a church, an independent theater, a drugstore, a grocery, a vintage clothing shop and a new-age store… among many other places. (You’ll notice the coffee shop came first… that’s not a mistake).
Life will fight you now and then. You must fight back. Fight back until Life realizes you mean business, and responds by giving you what you most need, and then leaving you alone to ‘get on with it’.
Don’t waste time worrying about the future or regretting your past. Be present in the moment… move forward… be yourself… breathe.
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April 17, 2008
Excerpted from an entry in my dream journal from September 2007. I don’t remember the dream, but I do remember the feeling it gave me. Take from it what you will.
What I’ve realized is that God was tired of being alone, and fragmented into unnumbered ‘me’s’. Each ‘me’ is the same ‘me’, and is exactly the same person when it arrives into consciousness (reality). The unnumbered circumstances that cause it to become an ‘individual’ create unnumbered ‘individuals’ from the same starting place - the same ‘me’.
This is why there are so many different personalities. We recognize the differences that make each of us unique. But we are all, in fact, exactly the same ‘me’.
Each new life that comes into consciousness is God experiencing everything again. Each relationship is God getting to know Himself. God does it over and over again so that each experience is fresh and new. We desire to fill ourselves with love because God desires to love Himself. When we love another, we are loving ourselves.
The twenty-two Majors are the twenty-two aspects of God through which each new life is each filtered as it comes into consciousness.
The fifty-eight Minors are all the circumstances and events that make us who we are as children. This is a further filtering, but certainly not the end of it. Each card combination is yet a another layer of filters that refines us as we mature into adults, grow old and eventually die.
There is only one consciousness. If you sit quietly in meditation, go deep inside your awareness, and find that still center that Observes, you have found it.
When you open your eyes to see, God is looking out of them.
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April 11, 2008
Lately I have been meditating on a selection of Tarot cards to effect a change in my life. Things have been tough, and they are slowly getting better. I am using these meditations to support and encourage the changes that are taking place in my life.
One of the four cards I am using is The Magician.
Generally when I see this card in a reading, the phrase ‘making things happen’ is what comes to mind. The Magician is using his experience, skill and power to take control of the energies around him to carry out his will. He creates, he causes to become, he manifests his will in the world.
The most commonly recognized version of this card from the RWS deck reflects the principle of ‘as above, so below’.
This message theorizes that man is the counterpart of God on earth; as God is man’s counterpart in heaven. Therefore, it is a statement of an ancient belief that man’s actions on earth parallel the actions of God in heaven. This pivots on the belief that “all things have their birth from this One Thing by adaptation.”
To the magician the magical act, that of causing a transformation in a thing or things without any physical contact, is accomplished by an imaginative act accompanied by the will that the wanted change will occur. The magical act and imaginative act becomes one and the same. The magician knows with certainty that for the change to occur he must will it to happen and firmly believe it will happen. Here it may be noted that magic and religion are akin: both require belief that a miracle will occur. ~ mystical.org
In meditation, The Magician says to me, “Spirit begets the material world, and the material world begets the Spirit.” Have we been created by God in his image, or have we created him in ours? Does it really matter? The lemniscate above The Magicians head represents the eternal loop of infinity.
In meditation, The Magician guides and helps me to ‘make things happen’ in my life. He manifests his will on his world, and may I continue to succeed in doing so as well.
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March 19, 2008
First, I have put the Tarot of the Carnival on hiatus again for now. There have been a couple of entries over the past few weeks, but always just one for any given Carnival. Most weeks I’ve had no entries at all. I’m just not getting enough interest to keep it going right now.
Second, I want to express how grateful I am to my friends and readers whose words of encouragement have helped me get through the tough times I’ve been having lately.
Third, I am thankful that I have my cards to guide and encourage me as well.
I won’t go into the gory details. But the good news is, my financial situation has finally begun to improve. We actually have a bit of money left over each month now, and are beginning to accumulate a meager savings. It’s nice to have a bit of money left in the bank after taking care of necessities for a change.
There is still a personal situation that is giving me trouble. But there is a solution to this problem, as there always is, but it will take time to accomplish what needs to be done to remedy it. But in about about four months things should improve considerably.
I asked the cards about this today. I used the French Spread from the book Power Tarot, and using my trusty Gummy Bear Tarot.
The card positions in the French Spread are:
- Things happening now
- Hopes and dreams
- Strength and security
- Support or opposition
- Something in the future that may surprise you
Card One is The Chariot. This pertains to this current difficulty with someone. In fact, every time I’ve done a reading about this situation, this is the card that shows to represent them. It fits them perfectly.
Card Two is The Moon. I’ve felt sharply separated from my inner quiet and meditative self since this problem has started. In fact, I’ve been unable to meditate for any length of time or with any real feeling of peace since this problem started. I hope to restore my inner peace and reconnect with my subconscious again soon.
Card Three is Seven of Swords. This is the one I’m not sure about. For me, this card usually means to be secretive or to get away with something. I haven’t yet been able to discern how this can be my strength and security. It will take more thought.
Card Four is Ten of Cups. My support. My family. The love that my husband has for me and I for him. He is always my strongest supporter. Without him I don’t know how I’d have coped through all the stress lately.
Card Five is Four of Wands. I will have reason to rejoice soon. A happy home, stability in my life. Opportunity for growth and new challenges. The future looks good, I am happy to say.
All in all, it’s a very encouraging reading. It has put a positive spin on my day today. This is one of the primary reasons I read the Tarot. I find hope, encouragement and new ideas in the cards.
Here’s to the future!
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March 4, 2008
If you find yourself in a deep dark scary wood, it does no good to sit under a tree and sulk. It does even less good to crawl into a hole and cry. It is much better to keep moving, seek any light that you can find. Remain open to the heat from the sun, seek its light filtering through the trees, and let it guide you to where it is lighter and brighter. Then you can find the sunlit path that will lead you out of the dark wood.
It’s very east to simply allow yourself to wallow in self-pity when things get bad. It’s much easier to stay where you are and suffer. Making changes requires effort. Changes themselves can be scary. Some people resist change to the point of harming themselves. It takes effort, willpower, faith and hope to get up and start moving. I will add love and forgiveness to that list. You need to love yourself enough to do what’s best for yourself. You also need to forgive yourself enough to let go of past mistakes and move on.
Sometimes you need a kick in the pants to get moving. Sometimes the universe will give you a push in the direction you keep proclaiming you wish to go, all the while standing still and longing for better things. If you keep “putting out there” that you want something, but make no move to get it, you shouldn’t be surprised if you get a shove in that direction.
If you ever hear yourself saying, “I have to” when you are feeling trapped, stop and reflect on that. Just stop everything and ask yourself why you ‘have to’. There are always options. There are always, always other paths. The other paths may not be easy, but they may be better for you than the one you are treading.
The Tower is still in the process of falling down. The lightening has long since abated, and the smoke will be clearing soon. Soon there will be peace again. A different peace now, but perhaps a better peace for moving forward.
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